The Impact of Societal Expectations on Girls with ADHD and How They Cope

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) affects girls in ways that often go unnoticed due to societal expectations. From a young age, girls are expected to be organized, quiet, and compliant—qualities that are at odds with many ADHD symptoms, such as forgetfulness, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty focusing. These societal pressures create unique challenges for girls with ADHD, who frequently find themselves masking their symptoms or feeling isolated due to their differences.

This article delves into the impact of societal expectations on girls with ADHD and explores how they cope with these pressures.

Societal Pressure to Conform to Gender Norms

Girls are often socialized to be polite, attentive, and emotionally controlled. These expectations can conflict with the reality of living with ADHD, which can cause impulsivity, difficulty focusing, and emotional dysregulation. As a result, many girls with ADHD feel an immense pressure to conform to societal norms, even when doing so feels impossible.

Instead of expressing their symptoms outwardly, as boys with ADHD might, girls are more likely to internalize their struggles. This often leads to masking, a coping mechanism where girls hide their difficulties to appear as though they are managing just fine. Masking can involve extra effort to stay organized, suppressing feelings of frustration or overwhelm, and avoiding asking for help to avoid being perceived as "different" or "incompetent." Over time, masking can take a significant emotional toll, leading to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, or depression.

Struggles with Emotional Dysregulation

Girls with ADHD are frequently more emotionally sensitive than their neurotypical peers. However, society’s expectation that girls should be nurturing, composed, and emotionally balanced often leads them to suppress their emotions. When a girl with ADHD experiences frustration, sadness, or anxiety, she might try to hide it to fit in, fearing that she’ll be labeled as overdramatic or unstable.

This suppression can lead to a pattern of emotional dysregulation known as rejection-sensitive dysphoria, where girls feel intense emotional pain from perceived criticism or rejection. Because society tends to minimize the emotional struggles of girls, these issues are often dismissed as moodiness or typical adolescent behavior, leaving the underlying ADHD untreated and misunderstood.

Academics and the Perception of "Effort"

Another area where societal expectations weigh heavily on girls with ADHD is academics. Girls are expected to be organized, diligent, and detail-oriented, but ADHD often makes it difficult to focus, manage time effectively, or keep track of assignments. While boys with ADHD might act out or disrupt the classroom, girls with ADHD often remain quiet and struggle in silence, leading teachers to overlook their difficulties.

Because girls with ADHD may still perform adequately in school, their struggles are often attributed to a lack of effort rather than a neurodevelopmental condition. Many girls develop a coping strategy of overcompensating for their ADHD by working excessively hard to keep up with their peers. This "mask of perfectionism" can hide the signs of ADHD for years, but it often leads to burnout, stress, and anxiety, especially as academic demands increase in high school or college.

Social Dynamics and Relationships

Society places a high value on social competence and relationship-building for girls. Girls with ADHD often struggle to navigate the complex social expectations placed on them, such as being attentive in conversations, maintaining friendships, and understanding social cues. Because ADHD can impair executive function and focus, girls may have difficulty keeping up with social dynamics, leading to feelings of isolation or exclusion.

To cope, some girls with ADHD may try to "blend in" by imitating the behaviors of their neurotypical peers, even if it means suppressing their true personality. Others may gravitate toward friendships with people who are more understanding of their unique challenges, seeking out environments where they can be themselves without fear of judgment. However, this doesn’t always happen, and many girls with ADHD feel lonely or disconnected from their peers.

The Toll of Misdiagnosis and Late Diagnosis

Due to societal expectations, many girls with ADHD remain undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years, often receiving a diagnosis of anxiety or depression instead. This delayed diagnosis has long-term consequences, as girls are left to cope with their ADHD symptoms without the proper support. Many don’t receive a diagnosis until adulthood, by which time they may have experienced significant academic, professional, or personal setbacks.

For girls with ADHD, receiving a diagnosis can be a turning point. It allows them to seek the right treatment, whether through therapy, medication, or support groups, and to develop strategies for managing their symptoms. It also validates their experiences, helping them to understand that their struggles are not a personal failure but rather the result of living with ADHD.

How Girls Cope with Societal Expectations

Despite the challenges, many girls with ADHD develop effective coping strategies that help them navigate societal pressures. Some of these strategies include:

Finding Supportive Communities: Connecting with others who understand ADHD can provide emotional validation and practical advice. Support groups, like those within the Superwoman Society, offer a safe space for girls and women to share their experiences and coping strategies.
Focusing on Strengths: Girls with ADHD often have unique strengths, such as creativity, empathy, and problem-solving skills. Focusing on these strengths rather than trying to conform to societal expectations can boost self-esteem and lead to greater fulfillment.
Seeking Professional Help: Therapy, coaching, and medication can provide essential tools for managing ADHD symptoms. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can help girls with ADHD learn to manage impulsivity and develop better organizational skills.
Advocating for Accommodations: Learning to self-advocate in school or work settings is crucial for girls with ADHD. This might include requesting extra time for assignments, using ADHD-friendly planners, or seeking other accommodations that can ease daily challenges.

The societal expectations placed on girls can make life with ADHD particularly challenging. From the pressure to be organized and emotionally controlled to the difficulties of navigating social relationships, girls with ADHD often feel like they must mask their symptoms to fit in. While this can lead to delayed diagnoses and emotional distress, it’s important to recognize that support and understanding can make all the difference.

At the Superwoman Society, we believe in empowering girls and women with ADHD by providing community, resources, and a safe space to share their experiences. By fostering awareness and encouraging acceptance, we can help girls with ADHD thrive in a world that too often overlooks their unique challenges.